A Father is someone you look up to no matter how tall you are. 

~ Unknown ~

Ode to Dad 
~ Debbie Farmer ~
 
A father's job is unique. If parents had job descriptions mine would read: organize bills, playdates, laundry, meals, laundry, carpool, laundry, snacks, outings, and laundry. The only thing on my husband's description would be the word "fun" written in big red letters along the top. Although he is a selfless caregiver and provider, our children think of him more as a combination of a jungle gym and Bozo the clown. 

Our parenting styles compliment each other. His style is a nonstop adventure where no one has to worry about washing their hands, eating vegetables, or getting cavities. My style is similar to Mussolini. I'm too busy worrying to be fun. Besides every time I try, I am constantly outdone by my husband. 

I bought my children bubble gum flavored toothpaste and I taught them how to brush their teeth in tiny circles so they wouldn't get cavities. They thought it was neat until my husband taught them how to rinse by spitting out water between their two front teeth like a fountain. 

I tried singing fun songs as I scrubbed behind my children's ears during bath time. They enthusiastically sang and clapped until their father came in and taught them how to catapult the soap into the sink with the washcloth. 

I took the children on a nature walk and, after two hours, I managed to corral a slow ladybug into my son's insect cage. I was "cool" until their father came home, spent two minutes in the backyard, and captured a beetle the size of a Chihuahua. 

I try to tell myself I am a good parent even if my husband does things I can't do. I can make sure my children are safe, warm, and dry. I'll stand in line for five hours so the children can see Santa at the mall -- or be first in line to see the latest Disney movie. I'll spend more than my monthly mortgage payment on a bucket of popcorn and a soda. But I can't wire the VCR so my children can watch their favorite video. 

I can carry my children in my arms when they are tired, tuck them into bed, and kiss them goodnight. But I can't flip them upside down so they can walk on the ceiling or prop them on my shoulders so they can see the moths flying inside of the light fixture. 

I can take them to doctor appointments, scout meetings, or field trips to the aquarium, but I'll never go into the wilderness, skewer a worm on a hook, reel in a fish, and cook it over an open flame on a piece of tin foil. 

I'll even sit in the first row of every little league game and cheer until my throat is sore and my tonsils are raw, but I'll never teach my son how to hit a home run or slide into first base. 

As a mother I can do a lot of things for my children, but no matter how hard I try -- I can never be their father. 

A Father's View 
~ Debbie Farmer ~
 
Let's face it, mothers view parenthood different than fathers. For example, the minute a woman knows she's pregnant she starts buying books with titles like "The Perfect Parent" and meticulously studies every word until she becomes a new baby expert. Now this may not seem so bad, but at the end of nine months she casually tosses around words like "pabulum" and "mecunium" in mixed company, and she is absolutely sure her baby will be born with every incurable disease discovered in the entire world. Possibly the universe. 

On top of that, once the baby is born she will recite the length and duration of every labor pain, the amount of medication administered during labor and every word the doctor spoke in the delivery room. Fathers, on the other hand, remember the entire birth experience as the day he spent fifteen minutes trying to find a convenient place to park. 

Oh, before you start yelling, I know that this doesn't apply to all fathers. Some block out the whole experience all together. But that's OK. A father's real job comes later. 

For instance, when a baby has colic, a mother immediately thinks that all of the doctors are wrong and it must be due to some horrible disease that hasn't been discovered yet because she is sure no normal person in this world could ever cry so much, and she'd give anything for it to stop, but she's sure she'll never get any sleep for another eighteen years because that's when the baby will finally stop crying and go off on its own to college. 

A father will think, "The baby is hungry." 

But that's not all. When most mothers are spending hours scanning catalogs deciding what type of stroller to buy, a father will save time by buying one big stroller that's more like a giant Swiss Army Knife. While mothers are wasting valuable naptime doing research, fathers are busy converting high chairs into swings, car seats into potty-chairs and strollers into television sets. 

And wait, there is more. While most mothers are teaching their children valuable life skills, like how to use a potty or hold a spoon properly, fathers are teaching important skills like how to catapult peas across the room with a fork during dinner. 

Mothers also keep meticulous records of things like the date of a child's first step and first intelligible words. They maintain scrapbooks full of pictures, snippets of hair, babies first booties and all that. Fathers keep one, badly worn, picture in their wallet. 

When a Mother takes a baby to the park she will bring all of the essential items she will need to go on a short outing to, say, Australia. Fathers, on the other hand, are ready to leave the house in two minutes flat with one spare diaper tucked into their back pocket and a baby backpack that converts into a swing. 

I'm not sure why this happens. I mean, who can really explain, when a child is learning to walk, why some mothers line the entire house with Styrofoam and spend the day following their toddler around with both arms outstretched, while a father will set a toddler on the top of a bike ramp propped in the backyard, flash them a thumbs up sign, and shout "ready, set, go!" 

Some people think men have a more relaxed attitude because they were raised differently than women. Still others say that it's all a matter of individual parenting styles. My theory - and frankly I can't get anyone to back this up - is that fathers take more risks because they still have their pre-pregnancy figure. But I could be wrong about this. 

However, I am sure about one thing: even though men might have a different view of parenthood, there will always be something special about fathers. 

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